Monday, December 27, 2010

Happy Monday!

I was talking with my dad yesterday afternoon about my plans to return to work.  He seemed worried that I was going to start working the first day back.  I assured him I would be fine.  It was another couple of minutes into our debate about whether or not going back to work so soon was a good idea before I figured out that he thought the first day back was going to be today - not NEXT Monday.  No wonder he was concerned!

The last two days have been great.  I went on a short field trip to the San Jose TECH museum to see the Body Works exhibit yesterday with Jennifer, Seanpaul, and Madisen.  We went in the evening and it was nice and quiet.  After a couple of hours being upright, though, I was ready to go home.

Today, Kitty and I went on a nice long walk in the morning.  I finally had a chance to catch up with some friends who have left me wonderful messages over the last few days.  Later, I went out to get a few errands done.  My mom chauffeured and it was nice to feel productive for a while.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of sitting around and watching T.V., napping, and snacking, but getting out of the house was great!  Right now I'm hanging at my parent's house... I hear we're going to watch Mamma Mia tonight!

Overall things are going well... I guess I thought it was going to be a lot worse than it is.  I had visions of me laying in bed, unable to move either of my arms, not being able to eat, and having a gaping hole where the surgery had been done.  First, the stitches for my lymph node dissection are not directly underneath my armpit (where I thought they were going to be).  They are lower and closer to my rib cage, so, where I thought I would have a lot of problems with my arm rubbing against the stitches, there isn't anything going on.  I can move my left arm a lot more easily than I thought I'd be able to.  Second, the place where the surgeon put my "port" for chemotherapy is in a pretty comfortable spot and it is healing well.  The port is close to the top of my skin... it didn't go underneath any muscle tissue, so it's cool.  And third, the tumor part...  even that is healing and feeling better more quickly than I anticipated.  The incision is pretty big and I won't be able to wear any revealing or plunging necklines any time soon... and I've NEVER seen so many different colors of purple bruising all in one place (and covering so MUCH of my body) as I do now.  So, while it's not a pretty sight, I have absolutely NO complaints.

I would like to thank a few key players in my success thus far.  I mean, of course it is an honor simply to be nominated, but I am extremely fortunate to be able to thank my support staff and fans in such a public manner.  First, to my surgeon, Dr Bitar - she has been just lovely from the start.  Her hugs have been warm, friendly, and marvelous.  Next, I would like to send some love out to my anesthesiologist.  She was warm and caring and attentive the whole time I was awake.  She did a brilliant job putting me under and a stupendous job keeping me asleep when I needed to be asleep and getting me awake once everything was finished.

Thank you, Jennifer, for staying with me pre-surgery, keeping me occupied with thoughts of Feng Shui-ing your house, keeping my parents and family informed of my progress, and for holding out for coffee until I was in surgery.  Thank you to Mom for meeting me after the surgery and getting things in order for my stay at your house.  Thank you for getting (what you thought were) all the foods I asked for and for making sure my dog was well taken care of.  Thank you to Dad for keeping in touch with Jennifer and for checking in with me - exactly how I wanted and expected you to.  And a big, warm, thank you to my 7 and three quarters-of-a-year old niece, Maddie, for bringing me ice packs, and water, and pillows, and checking in on me, and drawing me get well cards, and cuddling next to me in my bed to watch movies while I slept.  You were a wonderful nurse!

Thank you to Che-Che Jeannie, Aunt Joyce, Kristina, Kris, Alicia, and Lisa for checking in on me and our great talks.  Thank you to everyone who sent an email, left a message, or added a message for me on facebook...  It has helped a ton knowing there are so many people out there thinking good thoughts for me.  There are many more people I would like to thank, but it looks like my time is up.  I love you all and will be seeing you soon!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Home, Kitty in Lap, Classic 90210 On

Christine is feeling okay - really.  But her typing skills are slightly impaired, so her awesome sister-in-law, me - Jennifer- gets to report.

The surgery went well.   The good news is that the lymph nodes under armpit tested negative.  The tumors were successfully removed.  Phase 1 over, time to rest and prepare for Phase 2.

Thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers.  Keep them coming as the months ahead will be tedious, but we all know Christine is up to any challenge.

Nervous. Angry. Relieved... Thirsty!

Here we go!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Is it December 21st already?

Tuesday, December 21st...

Had my MRI done this morning.  No one told me about the line they needed to put into my arm so they could inject contrast dye half way through.  I don't like these types of surprises.  I was really wishing someone was with me to hold my hand.  It was supposed to be "just" an easy MRI...  ear plugs in, hold still, no deep breaths - I've got this.  But now you tell me I need a needle in my arm? Oy.

After wards I met up with Jennifer and we did errands (yay, something normal).  We went to Whole Foods, Aaron Brothers, Old Navy, Red Robin, and arrived at my pre-op appointment right on time.

3:30 Pre-op appointment

OK, so... I will be injected with a radioactive liquid tomorrow at 3pm.  No, I won't have super human strength... nor will I glow in the dark (bummer, both of those would have been kind of cool)...  The liquid is injected so the surgeon can locate my sentinal lymph node more easily.  This is the first thing she will remove.  It will be tested by a pathologist while the surgeon is doing the rest of her work.  If the pathologist finds cancer cells in that one lymph node, then the surgeon will proceed further and remove the rest of the lymph nodes around my left arm pit area.  If the pathologist does NOT find cancer cells (hold your breath and keep your fingers crossed), then I'm good to go.  Well, I'm good to get stitched up, taken home, and loaded up with Vicodin at least.

I still have SO much to do tomorrow!  I can hardly believe it is already "time".  At least I can use this to get out of seeing that Yogi Bear movie.  But if you're interested in going to see The Fighter, Black Swan, or the King's Speech I KNOW I can rally for any or all those.


Looks like I'm going to miss a lot of work during chemotherapy.  That was a big "revelation" for me today.  I guess it will be better to stay away from those germ infested adolescent teenagers while my immune system is thrashed by chemotherapy.  Ugh.  I know I complain about my job and some of the wild things students do, but ugh... ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh... ugh.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, December 22nd

This will be a good time to finish dusting, buy a new plant for my bedroom, do the last little tiny bit of cleaning I need to do, and have a large helping of leftovers for lunch (and probably dinner).  Plus, I know there's an apple pie (from Whole Foods, thank you very much, Jennifer Berube) in the kitchen and ice cream in the freezer.  Yummy yum yum yum!

Now where did I leave off...

Saturday, December 10th

I have SO much to do!  I guess the plan to go up to Arcata to do Christmas with Seanpaul, Jennifer, and Madisen needs to be changed.

Sunday, December 11th

Met mom and dad at the Polish church...  did errands... cam back to the church for the Wigelia (Polish Christmas dinner)... pretty fun (same food & entertainment) and the woman who reminds me of my Che-Che Jean was there...

Monday, December 12th

It's an "A" day - 3 P.E. classes.  This means that the week will end on an "A" day, too.  Great... I get to finish off the year with my 3rd period students.   At least I won't have them the first day back in January.  Can't they just do the surgery today and get it over with? 

Meeting after school went until about 5 p.m.

5:30 p.m. appointment at Michael's to get my hair cut.  I may as well get it out of my face now and take the adjustment form hair to no hair gradually. 

I've asked all of my different doctors about the chances of my losing my hair during chemotherapy and every single one of them has given me this guilty type of look as if to say, "I wish it weren't true, but..."  This look, coupled with a tilted head nod makes me both annoyed and sad.  I would like to think that I'll be one of the few who doesn't lose her hair, but I'd rather focus my energy elsewhere.  With the type of chemotherapy and hormone therapy I'll need after the surgery, it's a given.

My hair was looking pretty shaggy anyway.  It's now a short little Meg Ryan / Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama cut...  I think I'll need one or two more haircuts to transition into something like the Emma Watson pixie cut right around February.

Michael is great.  Getting my haircut shorter isn't as fun as it has been in the past, though.  Today it is just one more thing to check off of my list of things to do.  I see a chart with opportunities to earn gold stars in my future.

Tuesday, December 13th

Went to teacher's association meeting today after school.  Told Lois, Fran, and Vince.  I guess I spilled the news too abruptly this time and took them off guard.  I'll need to be more careful from now on. 

Wednesday, December 14th

FINALLY told my friends about my diagnosis.  During lunch I blurted out, "OK so I need to tell you guys something."  Someone said, "You're pregnant."  Ha ha, nope.  It's worse.

I was more cautious this time and went with my rehearsed statement, "I've been diagnosed with a type of breast cancer that requires surgery over the winter break and chemotherapy starting about a month after that."  I looked around and saw their faces staring back at me... concerned, shocked, stunned.  I felt my heart drop for the first time since I found out my diagnosis over the phone last week.  Telling this particular group makes this whole thing MUCH more real.  Oh crap - this really IS happening.

Oh crap.

Friday, December 17, 2010

From my journal thus far...

12/1  - Wednesday
So I have this bump... at about 10 o'clock... on my left breast.  I went my OB/GYN last today and she ordered an ultrasound and "possibly" a mammogram.  I've heard about these mammogram things - pain, pinching, smooshing, squooshing - nothing about this mammogram thing sounds fun.

12/2 - Thursday
Ultrasound? Check.  Looks like there were three spots the tech noticed that looked abnormal.  THREE?  But I thought there was just the one...  ugh, great!  And, sure as sugar (where does this saying come from?  what is so sure about sugar?), they wanted to do a mammogram.  I think the "mammographer" took an image of my boob from each angle 0, 45, 90, 180, looking down from the top, looking from the side, looking up from underneath...  ouch.  To her credit, she was quick and efficient.  She let me know when to hold my breath, when to lean forward, etc.  I am already grateful for the technology available to me.  The machine that did all this stuff is pretty impressive.

Well, it looks like the results from the mammograms show I need to get a biopsy done in each of the three spots.  I have the weekend for my boob to recover from the mammogram before they start poking around again.  One of the spots they want to biopsy is in my arm pit.  I don't know what that means, but it doesn't sound promising.

12/6 Monday 

O.K. So the biopsies...  The first one was a Stereotactic Needle Biopsy.  I won't go into ALL the details, but... basically I had to lay face down on a table with an opening for my, well, you know.  They used a mammogram type thing to immobilize the area so a computer could plot exactly where to take the biopsy.    There were between two and four nurses/technicians in the room at any one time.  Each time they had to do a mammogram reading they all ducked behind a heavy screen.  Once the computer had all my coordinates planned, the doctor came in and did a bunch of biopsies.  I found out later that these biopsies were done on calcifications that looked pre-cancerous.

The second and third set of biopsies were done using an ultrasound.  These were worse because, unlike the first one where I was all smooshed up and uncomfortable before they injected the local anesthesia, I was NOT already uncomfortable, so the needles seemed to move more slowly and really, really hurt.  The needles in the arm pit, ugh.

When I left I was told (by wonderful Dr. House) that she should have the biopsy results by Friday, and if they came in sooner she would call me.  I kept hoping they would come back sooner, rather than later.  I didn't have a good feeling about all of this.

12/6 Tuesday
Third period - P.E. - out on the back field... students playing soccer...  Dr House called... with results.

The suspected pre-cancerous cells? Pre-cancerous cells.
The suspected cancer (in the lump I felt)?  Cancer.
The bump in my arm pit? No cancer.

So I planned to attend the "Breast Cancer Orientation" clinic on Wednesday.

Shared the news with mom, dad, and Jennifer right after I found out.  Shared the news with Kari, after school.

Dinner with mom & dad.  Planned on meeting mom at the orientation.

12/7 Wednesday
2:30 Video Introduction.  There is one other woman, named Bernadette, there with her husband.
3:30 Met with the oncologist...  My tests show I have INVASIVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA (a tumor the size of a Jolly Rancher) in my breast and IN SITU or NONINVASIVE CANCER (precancerous cells) in that second location.
4:15 Met with the surgeon... She needs to remove the tumor and the precancerous cells.  The total amount of tissue she needs to remove is about the size of an orange.
5:00 Met with the radiologist.
5:45 Met with Breast Care Coordinator.
6:15 Met with oncologist again...  Another test has come in.  I will definitely need chemotherapy AND hormone therapy.  She told me that I'll need to take a hormone blocker called TAMOXIFEN because my cancer is "sensitive" to my natural hormones.
6:30 Met with surgeon again and scheduled a LUMPECTOMY and a SENTINAL LYMPH NODE BIOPSY (I think she also called it an AXILLARY NODE DISSECTION) for December 23rd.  If the pathologist finds cancer cells in the sample lymph nodes, then the surgeon will go ahead and remove all of the lymph nodes in my arm pit as a part of the surgery. 
7:30 Home... and straight to bed.

12/8 Thursday
3:30 Met with plastic surgeon...  Although he is really motivated and enthusiastic and positive about reconstructive surgery, he confuses the hell out of me.  He said he could try to arrange things so he could be in the operating room to do the reconstruction the same day as the lumpectomy.  This is all so much so fast.  How am I supposed to decide now about what I want to do with my boob?  It's been 48... maybe 50 hours since I've known my diagnosis and all I know for sure is I want this crap out of my body - now.
5:00 My oncologist is still at the hospital, so I go and talk with her about what the plastic surgeon has told me.  She tells me about a clinical trial I can take part in, but it would mean doing chemo first and then surgery in about 4 months.  It is designed for patients with my specific (hormone therapy needed) cancer.  Like I decided yesterday, I want this junk out of me NOW. 
My mom and I leave the hospital at 7:00 with a tentative plan... 
Lumpectomy on 12/23, five rounds of chemotherapy and possible radiation therapy, then reconstructive surgery last.

12/9 - Friday
Meet with Dr House.  Lots of questions.  Am I, for sure, scheduled for surgery on 12/23?  Should I try and do the reconstructive surgery the same day as the lumpectomy?  If the amount of tissue that needs to be removed is the size of an orange already, then should I do the mastectomy instead?  Etc.

Met with surgery scheduler.  Yes, I am all set for 12/23.  I am scheduled for a lumpectomy, but if I change my mind and want to do the mastectomy instead, I can still have that done...  The mastectomy actually takes less time.

The surgery scheduler finds my surgeon and has her come in and answer my questions about lump- versus mast-ectomies.  She gives me enough information for me to stay with my lumpectomy decision.  She is awesome.  I already love her.